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* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue #791, Week of November 4-5, 2013
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Resource of the Week
-- Article: You're Not Working Hard Enough! - By David Leigh Weber
-- Article: How Not to Fight: Myths about Fighting In Relationships (And What to Do about Them) - By Tina Tessina
-- Book Review: The Rich Revolution - By Bruce Bishop - By Kate Northrup
-- Inspirational News Story of the Week
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------ It is of little traits that the greatest human character is composed. - William Winter, 1836-1917 In this world a man must either be an anvil or hammer. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1807-1882 In all things that you do, consider the end. - Solon, 638 BC-538BC
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*** Recommended Resource of the Week ***
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* Make Him Love You Forever Using "The Secret Loophole" In His Heart. * If you ever felt like you could never get the attention, affection & commitment of the man you love, check out this video by relationship expert Michelle Miller about the Secret Loophole in a Man's Heart... This weird "Secret Loophole" will enable you to get past his defenses, open his heart & share his deepest desires with you. He'll willingly commit to you forever, even if he's blowing hot and cold towards you. WATCH VIDEO: Secret Loophole In A Man's Heart |  |
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*** Article: You're Not Working Hard Enough! - By David Leigh Weber ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Insulting title, huh? The reason I used it is it reflects the common American myth that if you aren't rich (or making 'enough' money) you aren't working hard enough. I saw this in college when I worked in a factory. The way to make money was to work overtime, sometimes LOTS of overtime, so you could have the things you wanted. If you were white collar the solution was to work a second (or third) job to get what you wanted. Then, of course, there is the usual working late at the office to please the boss in hopes of someday getting that promotion. In these ways you were working hard and providing for your family and your future. But what is really going on here? Let's start with the core of the issue -- if someone has money they are 'working hard'. Conversely, if they don't have money or are struggling they aren't working hard enough. Um, okay... The reality is money has little or nothing to do with working hard in the traditional sense. You can work hard at a fast food restaurant for a year and never make as much as a stockbroker who presses a few buttons and makes a killing on a hot stock. Likewise, a celebrity like Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga can put their name on any product and it will make more money than you could ever make at McDonald's. Even worse, statistics show that millions of Americans are working hard yet getting nowhere relatively speaking. Real wages are basically the same they've been since the early 1970's. And a recent report shows the income gap between the majority of workers (often referred to as the 99%) and the rich (the 1%) is the largest in over 100 years. So, by the accepted definition of the term, the rich are the only ones who are really working hard. Are you insulted even more? Don't be. There are reasons I am bringing this all up: 1) It may sound weird but you have to give up the notion of 'working hard'.
If you live your life thinking you're not working hard enough or that everyone around you (especially those portrayed in the media) are working harder you'll drive yourself crazy. It's a vicious cycle that never ends, unless of course you work yourself to death. (I've known many people who have) 2) Substitute 'working hard' with 'working smart'.
Working smart means everything you do is as efficient and seamless as possible. I can't tell you the number of meetings and teleconferences I've been on over the years where the entire reason for the meeting could have been resolved in five minutes. 3) Learn to work in flow, from your core.
Flow is about doing everything naturally, like breathing. Work should be both enjoyable and rewarding, financially or otherwise. In high school I used to work as a dishwasher in a nursing home. I actually loved it, and felt I had both worked hard and gotten something out of it. I have used that same feeling (doing a job in flow) to determine whether a job or project was truly right for me. 4) Don't stress!
If you are working in flow you are calm and content, and any challenge is surmountable. Plus, your concerns about 'doing it right' as far as working hard suddenly disappear. Only when you lose sight of who you are and how YOU work will you succumb to all the anxiety and stress people traditionally experience. Bottom line? Discover how you work, ignore the media and the 'keeping up with the Jones' mentality, and ensure your work life revolves around you instead of the reverse.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
In 2003 David Leigh Weber, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Work Life Balance, decided to found what would ultimately become Learn About Flow, an organization dedicated to empowering people to find their true selves, what makes them their most successful on every level. Since that time Learn About Flow has helped hundreds find the contentment and life purpose they had always dreamed of. Today David is an author (My Life Has No Purpose!), sought after speaker, and evangelist for true mind-body-spirit wellness. He has a B.A. in English & History from the University of Rochester and an M.A. in Communications from the Newhouse School (Syracuse University). Originally from New England, David now lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. For more information visit: http://www.selfgrowth.com/solos/davidleighweber.html
* Make Him Love You Forever Using "The Secret Loophole" In His Heart. * If you ever felt like you could never get the attention, affection & commitment of the man you love, check out this video by relationship expert Michelle Miller about the Secret Loophole in a Man's Heart... This weird "Secret Loophole" will enable you to get past his defenses, open his heart & share his deepest desires with you. He'll willingly commit to you forever, even if he's blowing hot and cold towards you. WATCH VIDEO: Secret Loophole In A Man's Heart | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: How Not to Fight: Myths about Fighting In Relationships (And What to Do about Them) - By Tina Tessina ***
------------------------------------------------------------ In my counseling practice, couples are often surprised to learn they can communicate and solve problems effectively without fighting; but sometimes you may find it's not so easy to give up your struggles. You may have trouble letting go of the fighting habit because of two factors: social expectations (expectations the people around you have about marriage) and myths (common beliefs not based on fact.) Myths and Expectations about Fighting There are many myths and expectations about fighting in marriage. Couples come into my office frequently believing that fighting is a necessary part of being a couple; that all married couples fight; and it's a normal part of marriage. But the fact is that fighting accomplishes nothing, and it isn't necessary for couples to argue, to yell, or to have heated discussions to get problems solved. Hanging on to these ideas makes it difficult to let go of fighting. Some of the most prevalent myths about fighting are: Myth #1: Fighting clears the air, and brings out the truth.
Fighting is not necessary to "clear the air." Getting heated up does not make you tell truths you wouldn't tell otherwise. What happens when couples fight and get emotional is that both parties say things they don't mean, or say them in much nastier ways than is really true. It is possible to discuss anything that is or is not happening between you in a calm and logical manner that will lead to more truth telling and air clearing than fighting and arguing will ever accomplish. Myth #2: Within your family, it's OK to "let it all hang out" -- to be as emotional as you want, and say things you'd never say to a friend or a boss.
Whether you're fighting or not, (or drunk, or upset) you're still responsible for everything you say and do. The hurtful or mean or outrageous things you say will be remembered by your spouse or the other family members who hear them. Myth #3: Fighting just happens, you can't control it.
You always have a choice about your behavior and how you express yourself. If you've developed a fighting habit, or never learned to control your temper, you may need to do some work, but you can learn to behave differently. Myth #4: My wife (or husband) makes me do it. He (she) yells first.
No one else is responsible for your behavior. You are not responsible for anyone else's words or actions. You can always choose not to yell back, to speak calmly, or to leave the room. Your partner cannot fight alone. Myth #5: Any time we get angry, it's natural to argue and yell.
Arguing, and shouting is not the only way to express your anger. It's just the most dramatic way. As a matter of fact, it's the least effective way to reach a solution for whatever is making you angry. Myth #6: It's a family trait -- everyone in my family argues.
Fighting, temper tantrums and arguing may be common in your original family, but it's not genetic, inherited, or inevitable. It's still learned behavior, and it's a dysfunctional family trait. It's a habit, and you can overcome it for the benefit of your spouse and children. Myth #7: It's OK to yell, shout, curse , throw things and hit walls as long as I don't hit a person.
These raging behaviors are classified as emotional abuse, which is just as damaging to families as physical abuse. Evidence of emotional abuse is enough to have your children detained by Child Protective Services in many states, and can even cause a raging spouse to be hauled off in handcuffs, if a problem is reported and the police arrive to witness the behavior. I tell clients who are behaving this way to separate until they get their anger under control, which requires anger management classes or therapy. If this is happening in your house, it must be stopped now -- get counseling right away. Fighting = Bad Communication No matter what you're fighting about: money, sex, kids or something else, the fighting is an indication that your communication isn't working. If this happens only occasionally, such as when one or both of you are tired or stressed; it's not too big a problem. However, if you argue or bicker on a daily or weekly basis, or you keep fighting about the same thing over and over, then your communication is not functioning as it should, and you don't know how to move from a problem to the solution. When this happens, problems are recurrent, endless, and they can be exaggerated into relationship disasters. Use these guidelines to make your discussions more productive: Guidelines for Not Fighting 1. Don't participate: Disagreements always require two people. If you don't participate, your partner can't argue without you. If the issue arises at an inopportune time, you can just find a temporary resolution (temporarily give in, go home, leave the restaurant) and wait until things calm down to discuss what happened (the squabble may just have been a case of too much alcohol, or being tired and irritable.) Then talk about what you can do instead if it ever happens again. 2. Discuss Recurring Problems: To resolve recurring problems, discuss related decisions with your spouse and find out what each of you does and does not want before making important decisions. You have a lot of options; so don't let confusion add to the stress. 3. Seek to Understand: Make sure you and your partner understand each other's point of view before beginning to solve the problem. You should be able to put your mate's position in your own words, and vice versa. This does not mean that you agree with each other, just that you understand each other. 4. Solve it for the Two of You: Come up with a solution that works for just the two of you, ignoring anyone else's needs. It's much easier to solve a problem for the two of you than for others, such as children, co-workers, friends and family. After you are clear with each other, discuss the issues with others who may be involved. 5. Talk to Others: After you've solved it for the two of you, if extended family members or friends might have problems with your decision, talk about what objections they might have, so you can diffuse them beforehand. Discuss possible ways to handle their objections.
Squabbles often occur because you're following automatic habit patterns that lead to a problem before you know it. Using these guidelines will help you overcome negative habit patterns you may have built that lead to arguments or bickering. (Adapted from Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Squabbling About the Three Things That Can Destroy Your Marriage.) ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., "Dr. Romance," is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Long Beach, Calif. since 1978 and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again and Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She publishes the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter, and the Dr. Romance Blog. She has written for and been interviewed in many national publications, and she has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live and many other TV and radio shows.
* Make Him Love You Forever Using "The Secret Loophole" In His Heart. * If you ever felt like you could never get the attention, affection & commitment of the man you love, check out this video by relationship expert Michelle Miller about the Secret Loophole in a Man's Heart... This weird "Secret Loophole" will enable you to get past his defenses, open his heart & share his deepest desires with you. He'll willingly commit to you forever, even if he's blowing hot and cold towards you. WATCH VIDEO: Secret Loophole In A Man's Heart | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Book Review: The Rich Revolution - By Bruce Bishop ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Bruce was inspired to write The Rich Revolution due to the events that happened to him and his friend Stephen when the recession hit in 2008. Before the credit crunch Bruce had been developing and selling property. As the recession set in home buyers became few and far between, mainly down to the banking system verging on collapse and resulting in mortgage products and lending stopping overnight. Bruce's income from developing property virtually dried up. This would have caused most people big financial problems, but Bruce was fortunate in that he had built a passive income over previous years. The benefits of this passive income were made very clear when his friend Stephen also hit problems in the recession that sent his financial life into turmoil. By comparison, losing his income resulted in him losing everything and having to start over again. About a year after these events they sat down together and compared their experiences and how the results were so dramatically different. Bruce was financially secure and Stephen was financially bankrupt. This is when the information and strategies were developed, resulting in The Rich Revolution. Bruce's friend Stephen decided that he would never put himself in a position where this could happen to him again and was determined to secure the same financial security that Bruce had. And they set about building a full proof system for wealth creation. They are now both passionate about teaching these methods to others so that anyone can enjoy the same financial security. The Rich Revolution takes you through some simple philosophies on money and shows you 7 practical steps to creating wealth. The book also covers the actions you need to take to build the foundations of wealth, as well as including worksheets to help you implement all of this. Remember it doesn't matter where you are financially right now! Whether you're just starting out or whether you already have a reasonable amount of wealth. These simple strategies can be implemented by anyone. It's not what you earn, it's what you do with what you earn. Learn these simple steps and instead of having to work for money, you will be able to experience the power of money working for you. Go here to learn more.
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The list price of this book is $20.00. To purchase it from Amazon.com at a price of $19.00, a 5% discount, go here.
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*** Inspirational News Story of the Week ***
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* Donations Pour in for Homeless Man who Returned Backpack with $42K *
Since his good deed, an online fundraiser had raised more than $92,000 for Glen James and brought in offers from strangers who want to help the Good Samaritan by donating computers and offering health care services to him. Go here for the complete news story. | 
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