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* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue #787, Week of October 7-8, 2013
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Resource of the Week
-- Article: Why You Might Just Be a Perfectionist - Liisa Kyle, Ph.D.
-- Article: Reinventing Yourself - By Melanie Keveles
-- Book Review: How to Eat Healthy: A Review and Comparison of Today's Top Personal and Commercial Diets - By Mike Caldwell
-- Inspirational News Story of the Week
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous. - Confucius, 551 BC-479 BC Reason and judgment are the qualities of a leader. - Tacitus, 56 AD-117 AD Success in life is a matter not so much of talent or opportunity as of concentration and perseverance. - C. W. Wendte, 1844-1931
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*** Recommended Resource of the Week ***
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Be calm, collected and in the moment
Mindfulness is the art of living in the moment -- of changing your way of thinking, to let go of negative mindsets, clear your mind of distractions and stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. In Mindfulness, Gill Hasson maps out the practical steps involved in achieving mindful thinking. As a result, you improve performance, reduce stress, enhance emotional intelligence, increase life satisfaction, and develop leadership skills. Buy your copy today from your favorite bookstore! |  |
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*** Article: Why You Might Just Be a Perfectionist - Liisa Kyle, Ph.D. ***
------------------------------------------------------------ I understand. You're not a perfectionist. You're just picky. Or 'hard on yourself'. Or you 'have high standards'. Or you like things to be done properly. Guess what? * If you're emails, tweets & Facebook posts are free of spelling mistakes, you just might be a perfectionist. * If you noticed the typo in the previous sentence, you might just be a perfectionist. * If you get frustrated fast when you are learning a new skill and haven't quite got the hang of it yet, you just might be a perfectionist. * If you have a wonderful dinner party...and you find yourself beating yourself up after your guests leave when you realize you forgot to serve the grapes with the hand-dipped chocolates...you just might be a perfectionist. * If you ignore a dozen terrific reviews to fret about the one lousy writeup you got, you just might be a perfectionist. * If your loved ones are hesitant to show you their creations, you just might be a perfectionist. * If you score 96% on something...and yet you feel a tad disappointed, you just might be a perfectionist. What's in a label? No-one likes to be labeled. Nobody enjoys thinking of themselves as anything but their unique self. In this case, however, the value of the label "perfectionist" is that it alerts you to patterns of behavior that are (a) hurting yourself and (b) hurting others around you. The label per se isn't important -- but what is key is that you are aware of how this concept is affecting you.
How does Perfectionism affect you? 1. It generates excessive stress.
If you're picky, hard on yourself or have high standards, you're putting yourself under excessive stress. You're probably toiling, rather than working. You're making life much more difficult than it needs to be. 2. It puts those around you under excessive stress.
I promise you that if you are stressing over something, you are not doing so solo, in a vacuum. You are leaking stress onto everyone with whom you come in contact -- your colleagues, your friends, your family, your pets and innocent passersby as well. Think of the family member you snapped at or the slow cashier you stomped away from. When you're stressed out, you leave few in your wake unscathed. 3. It makes you judgmental.
You may think you are open to experience, tolerant of others and otherwise zen. And perhaps you're all of those things to some extent. But part of being perfectionistic is a process of constantly evaluating yourself. And others. And how things are done -- or should be done. You frequently make judgments -- especially when things unfold differently from your expectations. 4. Fear and anxiety are your constant companions.
You fret. You worry. You're afraid of how things are unfolding. This takes its toll physically, psychologically, professionally and socially. Think of the 'nervous Nellies' you know. How healthy are they? How pleasant to be around? Think of them as mirrors. 5. You tend to be a pessimist.
You tend to expecting the worse (I'll never finish and if even if I do, this is going to be terrible). When negative events do happen, you tend to extrapolate and exaggerate them. (See? I didn't get the part. I'm a lousy actor. I'm a complete failure. My whole life is a waste. I'm worthless). 6. You're a control freak.
You expend a lot of energy trying to control outcomes, regardless of whether or not you actually have any power to affect how things unfold. Part of fretting or worrying, for example, is a false way of attempting to control the future. It's as if your subconscious believes that if you pay your dues by worrying enough about it, it'll turn out alright. I promise you, it's going to turn out the way it's going to turn out...regardless of how much you worry or don't worry. 7. Contentment is rare and fleeting.
You are rarely satisfied with yourself and with circumstances. Even when things turn out magnificently, your happiness is brief. So what's a perfectionist to do? 1. Be aware.
Monitor yourself for signs of stress, fear, anxiety and pessimism. Notice when you judge yourself or others. Realize when you are trying to control the situation...or others. Observe your effect on others. 2. Interrupt perfectionistic behaviors.
When you catch yourself judging or controlling or fretting...stop. Pat yourself on the back for recognizing your perfectionism when it happens. 3. Aim for 'good enough' rather than perfect.
Life is imperfect. It's impossible for everything to be ideal in every moment in every life domain. Learn to loosen your very high standards so that you are content with 'good enough' rather than making yourself crazy striving for perfection. 4. Practice acceptance.
Learn how to accept your situation as it is, accept others as they are...and also to accept yourself especially when you feel you're falling short in some way. 5. Learn to relax.
By learning meditation and relaxation techniques, you will disrupt the stress and fear that underlies perfectionistic behaviors. 6. Be kind to yourself.
Perfectionists are notorious for beating themselves up -- for being hard on themselves. Counter this by treating yourself well. Try the carrot instead of the stick to motivate yourself. Savor frequent simple pleasures. Ensure your life is well balanced. Live healthfully. 7. Read my other articles about Perfectionism.
You can find them gathered on one convenient webpage here. ***** Activity: What do you do that indicates that you might just be a perfectionist?
Activity: How does your perfectionism affect you?
Activity: How does your perfectionism affect others?
Activity: What can you do to reduce your perfectionism? ***** How about you? In the comment box below, please describe how you know you're a perfectionist...and/or what's helped you deal with it.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Liisa Kyle, Ph.D. is the go-to coach for smart, creative people who want to overcome challenges, get organized, get things done and get more out of life (http://www.CoachingForCreativePeople.com). Liisa Kyle is also an internationally published writer/editor/photographer as well as co-author of the book 'Happiness Awaits You' and the 'DaVinci Dilemma (TM): Solutions for Multi-Talented People'. Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma™! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http://www.davincidilemma.com/.
Be calm, collected and in the moment
Mindfulness is the art of living in the moment -- of changing your way of thinking, to let go of negative mindsets, clear your mind of distractions and stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. In Mindfulness, Gill Hasson maps out the practical steps involved in achieving mindful thinking. As a result, you improve performance, reduce stress, enhance emotional intelligence, increase life satisfaction, and develop leadership skills. Buy your copy today from your favorite bookstore! | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: Reinventing Yourself - By Melanie Keveles ***
------------------------------------------------------------ I just returned from Ireland, and as I recover from jet lag, the greatest impression I return from that emerald island with is reinvention. As always when we have visited European countries, we spent a good bit of our time tracing history. Ireland has a bittersweet history. There were the struggles against the British, civil wars, famine and exile of population to the United States and British Commonwealth countries. Consequently, four million Irish live in Ireland today while 40 million of Irish descents are found in the United States! But Ireland appears to be in a process of reinventing itself. Rather than losing population abroad, the country is gaining returnees who are reclaiming ancestral homes. Everywhere we traveled we saw new construction -- roads, buildings and infrastructure. Fifty percent of the population of Dublin is under the age of 25. There is new energy pulsing through the country. Even small hamlets boast an Internet cafe. To tourists, Ireland is the new Cairo - people are flocking to see the ancient Book of Kells and strange pre-Christian rock formations as they once traveled to see the Pyramids. Economic boom times give Ireland the impression of being an overnight success. But she has been preparing for her return to prosperity for many years. Watching a country break free of its former definitions reminds me how necessary and rejuvenating reinvention can be for each of us. Just because we have behaved a certain way all our lives or been involved in a particular career or industry, we are not doomed to continue along those lines forever. We can break free and discover new ways to live our lives. Obviously, if we always do what we always have done, we'll always get the results showing up in our lives that we've always had. Somewhere along the way we need to break the pattern. Here are ten principles for you to ponder as you consider how you might reinvent your work and your life: 1. Stay open and flexible
Keep your options open and go with the flow. Don't turn down opportunities just because they are outside of the parameters of what you have thought to be your job title or place in life. 2. Cross pollinate
Take your ideas, skills and know how from one field to another. Step outside your comfort zone. Look for ideas to bring into your field from others. Plant your ideas within entirely new fields. 3. Follow your heart's desire
Your heart is a wise barometer of what you need to be doing with your life. Don't overrule it entirely with practical suggestions from other people or with notions your mind invents. 4. Live a little
Life experience provides hints. The more experiences you accumulate, the more you get a view of what works for you and what doesn't. These experiences provide the fodder for continuous reinventions of yourself. Through these experiences you amass wisdom and skills that will become invaluable to you in your next pursuits. 5. Visualize
Paint a picture in your mind's eye of what you want in your life. See this image occurring as you fall asleep at night and upon awakening in the morning. Take every chance to experience this inner image with all of your five senses. 6. Be curious
Keep your eyes and ears open and your antenna up for new people and new ideas to enter your life. 7. Network like crazy
Make a point to meet new people as often as you can. New people in your life will enrich you and lead you to new opportunities. 8. Overcome the know it all stages of life
Adopt a beginner's mind. Even if you are well schooled, you have much more to learn. 9. Be a life long learner
Seek new ways to stretch yourself. Find new challenges to master. Attend classes, workshops, read numerous books. 10. Embrace new ideas and technology
Don't get locked in a time warp, only interested in the gadgets and gizmos you knew when you were young. Here are some suggestions for what you can do as you embrace these principles: Take on a principle each week. Each morning, journal about how staying more open and flexible than you usually are could affect your life. Or journal about any of the other principles. Find a new pursuit that allows you to approach it as a beginner. Consider what your work life would look like to someone from Ireland. Or Bolivia. Or Mars. Add to this list your own reinventing yourself principles. In his book Career Reexplosion: Reinvent Yourself in Thirty Days, Gary Joseph Grappo suggests that changing your career can change your life. To arrive at three new career directions to explore, he suggests this simple exercise: List at least 10 childhood experiences, situations, events, hobbies, interests, skills, education, etc. you enjoyed and made you happy. Repeat this list for activities that have made you happy throughout your adult years. Place these lists side by side and list your top ten dream careers that may be derived from the dreams, passions, and experiences you have accumulated from the two lists. Brainstorm with friends, conduct research on the Internet and create these careers without worrying about the education, money or resources you'd need to achieve them. Pare your list of ten down to your top three Career Reinvention choices. These three choices are fluid. They can evolve and change. Just take action towards them now and see what occurs. Reinvention takes commitment and action. It also helps to surround yourself with people who will egg you on to your dreams. Reinventing Yourself Bookshelf Repacking Your Bags: Lighten Your Load for the Rest of Your Life by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro
Become who you really want to be when you grow up -- no matter how grown-up you are. How to Choose Your Next Employer by Roger E. Herman & Joyce L. Gioia
If you want some clarity about who your next employer should be, the worksheets here will help you. Career Reexplosion: Reinvent Yourself in Thirty Days by Gary Joseph Grappo
This book will help you find ways to re-inspire yourself and challenge yourself to new career adventures. Total Career Fitness by William Morin
Using the metaphor of fitness, helps you determine your best career action. Copyright, Melanie Keveles 2008, All Rights Reserved. ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Melanie Keveles is master level full time life and career coach specializing in career change, entrepreneur development and project development, such as publishing a book. She coaches internationally via phone from her home office in Wisconsin. Contact her at melanie@startingfreshcoaching.com for a complimentary session.
Be calm, collected and in the moment
Mindfulness is the art of living in the moment -- of changing your way of thinking, to let go of negative mindsets, clear your mind of distractions and stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. In Mindfulness, Gill Hasson maps out the practical steps involved in achieving mindful thinking. As a result, you improve performance, reduce stress, enhance emotional intelligence, increase life satisfaction, and develop leadership skills. Buy your copy today from your favorite bookstore! | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Book Review: How to Eat Healthy: A Review and Comparison of Today's Top Personal and Commercial Diets - By Mike Caldwell ***
------------------------------------------------------------ How To Eat Healthy: A Review and Comparison of Today's Top Personal and Commercial Diets is a manual designed to help you make sense and understand 25 of the most popular personal and commercial diets on the market today.
This book was created out of necessity for the author. Mike Caldwell was determined to lose weight and needed to learn how to eat healthy. Online research just lead to more and more confusion. Some diets reported quick weight loss results, but it seemed that the overall diet couldn't be considered overly "healthy". Other diets seemed to cover all the bases when it came to nutrition but the promise of losing any weight was questionable.
Four diet headings are considered: high protein/low carb diets, low calorie diets, lifestyle diets, and meal replacement systems. This book outlines the basics of each diet found within each category and a table is provided at the end of the book which compares all the various diets side by side.
In his research Caldwell considered the following aspects of each diet:
- Rate of weight loss: fast, slow, moderate
- Quality of weight loss, fat vs muscle: only fat, more muscle, moderate
- Diversity of menu: restricted, open, moderate
- Inclusion of nutrients: nutrient rich, poor or moderate
- Cost of diet: expensive, inexpensive, moderate
- Was there a Cleansing component: yes or no
- Sustainability of the diet: long term, short term, or moderate
- Number of toxins in recommended food: high, low, moderate
- Ease of preparation: Easy, hard, moderate
- How strict or rigid was the diet: very strict, "cheating" allowed or moderate
- Portability: Only at home, anywhere, moderate
- Overall qualitative impression: liked it, hated it, moderate
- Overall subjective quantitative score
If you wish to lose some weight and you're looking for a diet or how to eat healthy, this book is your best place to start.
Further information can be found via the How to Eat Healthy newsletter which can be subscribed to at http://www.how-to-eat-healthy.com
*****
The list price of this book is $2.99. To purchase the Kindle version from Amazon.com, go here.
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*** Inspirational News Story of the Week ***
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* Twelve-Year-Old Devon Melton's Garage Sale For His Mother Goes Viral *
A 12-year-old boy from Ferguson, Mo., has blown us away with his courage and sacrifice. Devon Melton's mother, Christina Craig, was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and his parents are struggling with the financial burden of her illness. Go here for the complete news story. | 
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