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* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue #783, Week of September 9-10, 2013
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Resource of the Week
-- Article: The Silent Treatment - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
-- Article: The Top 10 Reasons the Majority of People Are Bored and Unfulfilled - By Dennis Simsek
-- Book Review: Power Foods for the Brain: An Effective 3-Step Plan to Protect Your Mind and Strengthen Your Memory - By Neal Barnard
-- Inspirational News Story of the Week
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------ He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty. - Lao Tzu, 604 B.C.-531 B.C. The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is the knack of getting along with people. - Theodore Roosevelt, 1901-1909 Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. - John F. Kennedy, 1917-1963
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*** Recommended Resource of the Week ***
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Don't shy away from speaking to people. You could be missing out... Every conversation could be the start of something new; a new friendship, a new career, a business idea. When you clam up, you close off those opportunities. Don't miss out! How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone will help you speak confidently to people you don't know, overcome your fears, build rapport with people, communicate better in work and social situations, handle the dreaded networking events and be more effective at work. Buy your copy today from your favorite bookstore! |  |
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*** Article: The Silent Treatment - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored. When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse. The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way to attempt to control children and partners into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this. You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they are invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response. Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve to be punished, deserve to have your "love" taken away. Of course, what you are taking away is not love at all, since love is unconditional. What you are taking away is your approval, and for children and approval-dependent adults, it is a powerful form of control.
The Consequences While it may seem to you to work for the moment, there are huge negative consequences following the silent treatment. Children feel unloved and unlovable, developing deep beliefs about their inadequacy. While they may comply to avoid your withdrawal of approval, inwardly they are likely to feel lonely and heartbroken - feelings that they can't handle - so they become angry and resistant to manage the feelings. Their anger and resistance may show up in others areas that cause problems for them and for you. While your partner may scurry around to try to please you and get you to reconnect with him or her, the fact that you have so deeply disconnected creates feelings of heartache in your partner that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. What seems to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you don’t want in the long run.
When Your Partner is Punishing you With the Silent Treatment What goes on inside you when your partner shuts down to you? - Do you tell yourself you must have done something wrong?
- Do you feel a sense of loneliness and heartache that feels unbearable?
- Do you feel alone and abandoned inside?
- Do you feel anxious and scared?
If you feel any of these, it is really because you are abandoning yourself and making your partner responsible for you. It is you doing this that is allowing the silent treatment to work to control you. If you were taking loving care of yourself and taking 100% responsibility for your own feelings, here is what would be going on inside: - You would be telling yourself: "My partner is choosing to punish me rather than take responsibility for his or her feelings. Whatever I may or may not have done that he or she doesn't like, I am not responsible for how he or she is dealing with it, and I have no control over him or her.
- You would be bringing love inside, letting yourself know that you are a good person and deserving of love.
- You would get out of range of your partner's energy - taking a walk, reading a book, calling a friend, or doing something else to make yourself happy.
- You would keep your own heart open, not going into anger or judgment toward your partner, so that when your partner decides to open again, there is no residue for you. You would not punish your partner for trying to punish you. You would just make sure that their punishment doesn't work for them.
- You would embrace your loneliness and heartache with deep compassion for yourself, sitting with these feelings for a few minutes and then releasing them to Spirit.
Eventually, when you are truly taking loving care of yourself, others will stop using the silent treatment, since it will no longer work for them.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Relationship Advice, is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at http://www.selfgrowth.com/solos/margaretpaul.html for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!
Don't shy away from speaking to people. You could be missing out... Every conversation could be the start of something new; a new friendship, a new career, a business idea. When you clam up, you close off those opportunities. Don't miss out! How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone will help you speak confidently to people you don't know, overcome your fears, build rapport with people, communicate better in work and social situations, handle the dreaded networking events and be more effective at work. Buy your copy today from your favorite bookstore! | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: The Top 10 Reasons the Majority of People Are Bored and Unfulfilled - By Dennis Simsek ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Have you perfected the part of you that puts on a happy face for people so they don't realize how unhappy you are? Have you resigned yourself to the idea that, even though you want so much more in your life - better friendships, increased energy, time for yourself and your family - you will never feel completely fulfilled? You need to realize that, although you may feel like you have reached the point of 'no return' and have no will-power to follow through with anything, you actually haven't. You have the ability and the will to create the changes you want in your life and to start today.
You are not alone in your struggle. Millions of people are trudging through their lives, tiredly going through the motions and not really experiencing the beauty of life. What is going on with our society that causes so many to feel lost, unfulfilled, and worthless? Let's look at a few reasons: 1. You feel lost and like you have nothing in your life to work towards - Do you have a project that you are currently working on that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning? If not, you need to find one. Maybe think of the wonderful feeling you will have when you lose those extra pounds you have packed on, or finish that kitchen project you have been putting off. Maybe you have an idea for a side project at work that will bring in some extra income. Whatever it may be, you need to target something that you can do to make your days a bit more worthwhile - like the saying goes, 'If you aren't growing, you're dying'. 2. You watch too much television - One of the best things you can do for yourself is to get rid of your TV. It will give you time to read, research things that interest you online, and spend more time with your kids. When your work day is over, re-condition yourself to think about more options rather than mindlessly sitting in front of the TV. Engage in your life and get doing things you wouldn't normally do - no excuses. 3. Your diet is terrible - time to be honest with yourself, how much time are you putting in to preparing healthy meals for yourself and your family? How conscious are you of what chemicals and preservatives you are consuming daily with over-processed, unhealthy foods? There is so much evidence out there now that connects a healthy diet with fresh greens to your metabolism and brain chemistry, which directly correlates to your energy levels and mood. You need to take the time to prepare fresh foods and it is a great time to start buying locally grown produce - help local farmers and businesses prosper. 4. You play the victim on a daily basis - this is a pretty common one that we are all guilty of at some time or another. Think about this - when you get into a deep conversation with others how often does it go into how many things are wrong with your life? How about discussing things that are right in your life instead? We all have so much to be grateful for and so many blessings, we need to be conscious of these things rather than the negatives, the 'first-world problems' that we may have. You also need to surround yourself with positive people that bring out the good in you, in essence end any toxic relationships you may have while you are at it. 5. You believe that this is your identity; you can't and won't change it - You feel like you can't teach old dogs new tricks. Really??? The truth is, you can teach anyone anything as long as they are willing to learn and to try new things. You need to be fed up with how things are going in your life enough to push through that old attitude and realize that you are not stuck and that you can make a change. Gain whatever inspiration you require to feel like you can make a difference in your life. Feeling anxious and depressed is NOT your identity if you don't want it to be. 6. You stay away from everything that you fear - you need to listen to that little voice in your head that whispers to you to 'do it' when facing your fears. When you do, you will realize that it is not even close to as bad as you imagined it would be. It is the most exhilarating feeling when you can accomplish something you were always afraid of doing. You don't want to look back on your life with regret because of some ridiculous fears holding you back - they will seem silly when you are on your deathbed won't they? They are silly now too. I guarantee it. 7. You believe that you don't deserve happiness - for whatever reasons, you don't feel like you are entitled to one of the most basic rights of humans - to find happiness. Write down a list of things that make you feel happy and content. It could be a big thing like going to an amusement park with your kids or as simple as a bubble bath. Self- care is something that we rarely do these days because we are too 'busy'. Try to do something that makes you happy every day. You deserve it, truly. 8. You haven't realized what potential you have to make a change - Steve Jobs once said something along the lines of, "Do you want to change the world? Or do you want to spend your life selling sugared water?" I don't much like sugared water, so I think I will try to change the world, how about you? You can do anything you set your mind to. Nothing has happened in this world without a single person and an idea. You don't have to do anything huge like inventing a clean power source, but look around you. You have the power to change your world, and the ones of the people closest to you. You just need to give yourself a chance. 9. You reject help - you think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. As a matter of fact, asking for help takes an incredible amount of strength and courage. You also need to remember that what goes around comes around, you will get a chance to add fulfillment to your life by giving back where help was given to you once. If you are stuck in an aspect of your life, ask for help from someone who has been there. You could even contact a professional. Life is too short to waste on being too proud to ask for help. 10. You spend too much time trying to improve on things that don't matter - ever heard the saying, "we major in minor things"? It is true. When I was going through my toughest times I would try to master different ways of scoring goals on FIFA with my x box. Now I think to myself, 'what a waste of time!' If I had only spent those hours on a tennis court perfecting my serve - you might be watching me play on television right now instead of reading this post! In all seriousness, we as a society are too caught up with the pursuit of wealth and good looks and possessions. See where your time is being spent and make changes that your future self will thank you for mentally, physically, and spiritually. You need to improve on the things in life that matter, where you will find the deepest fulfillment and rewards. Look into improving yourself - that will make all the difference. ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Professional athlete as well as mental health mentor, my goal is to inspire and lead anyone suffering from the many mental health disorders. 6 years of emergency visits to doctors, and uncontrollable nervousness fueled by multiple physical symptoms has taught me how precious life really is, I wasted a lot of time worrying about fears that never came true as professional athlete, and now I want to show you how I turned it all around naturally. http://www.anxietyend.com
Don't shy away from speaking to people. You could be missing out... Every conversation could be the start of something new; a new friendship, a new career, a business idea. When you clam up, you close off those opportunities. Don't miss out! How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone will help you speak confidently to people you don't know, overcome your fears, build rapport with people, communicate better in work and social situations, handle the dreaded networking events and be more effective at work. Buy your copy today from your favorite bookstore! | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Book Review: Power Foods for the Brain: An Effective 3-Step Plan to Protect Your Mind and Strengthen Your Memory - By Neal Barnard ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Could your breakfast or lunch be harming your memory?
Are you missing out on the foods that could prevent Alzheimer's disease?
Everyone knows good nutrition supports your overall health, but few realize that certain foods-power foods-can protect your brain and optimize its function, and even dramatically reduce your risk of Alzheimer's Disease.Now, New York Times bestselling author, clinical researcher and health advocate Dr. Neal Barnard has gathered the most up-to-date research and created a groundbreaking program that can strengthen your memory and protect your brain's health.
In this effective 3-step plan Dr. Barnard reveals which foods to increase in your diet and which to avoid, and shows you specific exercises and supplements that can make a difference. It will not only help boost brain health, but it can also reduce your risk of Alzheimer's disease, stroke, and other less serious malfunctions such as low energy, poor sleep patterns, irritability, and lack of focus. You'll discover: - The best foods to increase cognitive function
- Dairy products and meats-the dangers they may pose to your memory
- The surprising roles alcohol and caffeine play in Alzheimer's risk
- The latest research on toxic metals, like aluminum found in cookware, soda cans, and common antacids.
- Plus a detailed menu plan, recipes and time-saving kitchen tips
*****
The list price of this book is $26.99. To purchase it from Amazon.com at a price of $15.43, a 43% discount, go here.
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*** Inspirational News Story of the Week ***
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* Former North Korean Child Beggar Wins Fame as TV Chef *
With her flower-print dress and black hair dyed a fashionable light brown, Kim Ha-na does not seem like a former child beggar who risked her life three times trying to escape from North Korea before finally fleeing at the age of 15. Go here for the complete news story. |
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