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* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue #784, Week of September 16-17, 2013
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Resource of the Week
-- Article: 5 Ways to Cultivate Patience - By Rob White
-- Article: Why Don't We Volunteer? The Dare to Care - By Kari Henley
-- Book Review: Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries - By Guy Winch, Ph.D.
-- Inspirational News Story of the Week
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------ He either fears his fate too much, or his deserts are small, who dares not put it to the touch to gain or lose it all. - Marquis of Montrose, 1612-1650 We are not creatures of circumstance; we are creators of circumstance. - Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881 Discontent is the source of all trouble, but also of all progress, in individuals and nations. - Berthold Auerbach, 1812-1882
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*** Recommended Resource of the Week ***
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*** Article: 5 Ways to Cultivate Patience - By Rob White ***
------------------------------------------------------------ OK, this is an old joke, so forgive me if you've heard it. A psychologist is giving a talk and describes how every couple has its own unique frequency of making love. She then asks people in the audience to state how often they have sex. Hands shot up as she called out "Once a day?" "Several days a week?" "Once a week?" and so on. At the end of her questioning, a fellow in the back of the room was frantically waving his hand. When she called on him, he screamed exuberantly, "Once a year!" "If you only make love once a year, why are you so excited?" "Tonight's the night!" This joke has been on my mind since the great Brood II locust infestation of 2013 started back in May. These lowly critters have waited 17 years to see the light of day, do their reproductive duty, and then die. As Sara Maslin Nir pointed out in a New York Times essay, the 17-year locust cycle, like the passing of Halley's comet and transit of Venus, are so rare as to be "metaphors for the virtues of patience itself." While locusts obviously don't have any conscious capability for experiencing "patience," the occasion of their burrowing to the surface for a brief stay on earth does make one think: How can we, with our greatly evolved super brains, become more patient beings. Here are some thoughts. Five ways to be patient: 1. Pay attention to what's making you feel like you're in a hurry.
Our minds are constantly jumping from thought to thought, task to task, worry to worry. We live interrupted lives, punctuated with distractions that come at us from all sides. Multi-tasking is the norm. (Even though there's strong evidence that shows there's no such thing!) All this adds up to a state of hurry. Here's a little trick that I like to call "number it." There are two steps to the "number it" process: (1) list and number all of the things that are pulling you every which way, and (2) reduce the list to things that have to be done. These steps alone will illuminate the insanity of the jumping mind and the value of slowing down. 2. Take your mind to obedience school and learn the command "Sit!"
Sounds trite, but when you break the impatience mode, even for a second, you have a chance to make a choice: (a) continue business as usual, or (b) opt out for a moment of patience. Saying sit reminds you of option B. Patience not only relaxes you, it also offers that wonderful state of being that we call "peace of mind," which has an incredible effect of the quality of life. 3. Take a time out to notice all of the good things that life offers you.
Begin by noticing that every time you breathe in, there is fresh air available. That, right there is wonderful, and it is only one of ten thousand ways that life supports you, every day, with living a great life. When you pause to notice, you'll appreciate how much more life is in your favor rather than against you. Just realizing this calms you, which in turn promotes patience. 4. Let go until you feel underwhelmed.
The feeling of impatience is often a consequence of feeling overwhelmed. You never achieve patience through brute force or rushing. I think of the idea of being underwhelmed as the calm state that comes with letting go of anxious feelings that destroy the easiness of life. The best way to let go is to breathe deeply and stretch your hands, letting this remind you that it is wise to stretch out your jobs, too. By just prioritizing your tasks and committing to do them one at a time, you loosen the grip that feeling overwhelmed has on you. 5. Be patient with your patience.
Patience requires a change of attitude. This cannot always happen with the flip of a switch. A great way to create a new attitude is to ask yourself, "What's the bigger picture here?" This creates a state of productive curiosity that helps you to realize how many good things often happen over time. Don't get too deep or complex about the big picture; simply know that when you broaden your perspective, you interrupt old patterns of impatience, which immediately opens the door to a fresh, new attitude. Finally, remember that many of life's miracles often do not happen quickly; they require patience. Illnesses and wounds heal best with patience. Life often reveals its mysteries with patience. Difficult problems sometimes solve themselves with patience. We grow into healthy, functioning adults with patience. Impatience is self-destructive because you tie yourself down with a rope of unhealthy thoughts -- you now have five ways to cut the rope. By the way, if you missed the fun of this year's cicada infestation, just be patient -- Brood III arrives in 2030. I'm sure the members of that graduating class will be ready for their big night under the stars. If you enjoyed this article, come on over to http://www.selfgrowth.com/solos/robwhite.html for a plethora of stories, animations and practical "WOW over WOE" tips & techniques. And know you can download the free "Daily WOW!" Smartphone APP. Copyright © 2013 Rob White
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Rob White, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Success Principles, is an author, storyteller & a motivational coach with a purpose. Rob created RobWhiteMedia.com as a way to provide individuals with all the resources they need to wake up to the power of WOW. Rob has dedicated his life to inspire individuals to realize and accomplish their own life goals by providing seminars, workshops, videos, articles, blogs, books and original animation shorts. Rob is the author of 180, a guide to achieving "inner strength and outer freedom", and A Second Chance at Success: Remarkably Simple Ways to Open Your life to Opportunities and Turn Past Mistakes Into Lasting Confidence, Happiness and Success. Rob is regularly featured on the Huffington Post and his original articles are published in dozens of print and online publications. From his modest beginnings in a small town in Western Massachusetts, he built a multi-million dollar bi-coastal real estate business and went on to become a successful restaurateur. Rob is an expert in the fields of personal and professional growth. Drawing on 30 years of experience researching and testing myriad methods and tools for success, he has developed a concise and enriching program that unlocks the true power of human potential. http://www.selfgrowth.com/solos/robwhite.html
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*** Article: Why Don't We Volunteer? The Dare to Care - By Kari Henley ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Get involved! Volunteer! This administration's determination to address recession fallout spans beyond the reach of bail out dollars, and into old fashioned barn-raising, with a passionate call to service. The United We Serve campaign challenges all Americans to make a difference by doing "good" in their communities. Make Volunteerism and community service part of your daily life, and part of the life of this nation," invites President Obama, "And I mean everyone." It sounds good, right? But wait! I can hear the excuses buzzing already: "Well, umm, ahh, you know, the new episodes of my favorite show are coming on, work is so busy, and money is tight - I just can't get involved." Sound familiar? Why don't we volunteer? Here are some of the top reasons: Not feeling qualified - "I don't know what to do." Worried you will be sucked into paying a lot of money- "I can't afford to donate." Afraid it will take too much time- "I am over committed right now as it is." I have small kids and can't get away- "My giving bone is stretched to the max." Not knowing where to go or what cause moves you -"Soup kitchens are not my thing." Maybe we don't volunteer because of the WIFFM (What's In It For Me?) factor. Here's a reframe: does feeling happier, more contented and satisfied with your life intrigue you at all? Plenty of studies have shown those who volunteer actually have improved health, and trigger the same dopamine pleasure bath as when we eat our favorite foods or have sex with the one we love. Yet most of us walk down the streets, lattes in hand, self-absorbed in our tweets and general activism apathy. Despite compelling evidence, I highly doubt swarms will start filling the streets with t-shirted volunteers, just because the President says we should. We have to feel a calling. We have to be pulled. Bottom line, we have to care. Maybe Obama understands this, and created this volunteer "challenge" to get us out of the drone zone, and rolling up the proverbial sleeves. A fantastic start -- are you moving yet? Obama may call it United We Serve, but I am going to put out a "Dare to Care." Come on, give your time to someone or something that needs help -- I dare you! Craig Newmark (founder of Craigslist), Google, UCLA, YouTube and others have collaborated on a web site called All For Good to help Americans overcome our volunteer objections, and make it happen in a big way. If you don't feel qualified, you will quickly see that even picking up trash counts, and any toddler would be proud to join in. Many options do not require any money, and even a small amount of time makes a huge difference. The site offers categories of potential interest, like Nature, Education and Health, with direct links to local opportunities in your neighborhood. No more excuses! Here's some of the WIIFY (What's In It For You) in volunteering: Meeting people you never would have met. Volunteering offers a vital experience of putting roots in the ground. Feeling a part of something larger than ourselves can transcend the heavy emotions of isolation and loneliness -- even once a month makes a difference. Gaining Perspective on Your Own Troubles. No matter how hard life can be, there is always someone worse off than you are. Getting out of our personal mire for a while is healthy and therapeutic. Having Fun! A non-profit in my area recently held a gigantic tag sale to raise urgent last minute funds, as well as to put household items in the hands of those who need them. Our format was unique: nothing had price tags, and no haggling. Everything was to be taken at will, and donations given by choice. Guess what? We raised far more than we imagined, and everyone walked away feeling good about it. Was it a lot of work? Yes. The volunteers were exhausted sorting mountains of stuff, eating cold pizza for dinner, drinking wine in paper cups, and all the while laughing our heads off. Who won? We all did. If formal volunteering is not possible or of interest, does this mean you can't "dare to care?" How a about applying the President's challenge towards the daily with our families, friends, neighbors and co-workers? Make each day an opportunity to connect with someone in pain, lend a hand before being asked, or spread some joy in the daily doldrums. Here's how you can be in service every day, without joining any organization at all: Deliver dinner to a friend or neighbor in need; even a rotisserie chicken and bread is great. Offer to baby sit a new mom's kids for an afternoon, and give her $20 for a manicure and a Starbucks coffee. Mail a card once a week with a heart-felt message. After all no one sends anything to us 'snail mail' any more. I would like to attribute this last idea to Bill, a stranger who sent me a card, out of the blue, this month. I was sure it was junk mail. Inside, Bill wrote that he read a few of my columns, and told me to "keep it up - you are doing important and good work." Bill tries to send a card every single day to someone who has touched his life, and ended the card with, I know it sounds kinda goofy, but it helps me flourish and spreads gratitude." I loved the simple idea of sending a card to a stranger. That is daring to care. That is a call to service. That is volunteering to make a difference in someone's life. Am I someone in need? Sure, I'm human, and we all need each other. Marilyn Mock is someone who "Dared to Care," in a big way last year, when she saw a sobbing woman about to lose her house at a foreclosure auction. Gripped by fate, something made her raise her hand, and win the bid for $30K. Marilyn then turned around, and gave the house back to the crying stranger, assuring her to repay as she could. That single act has transformed Marilyn's life into creating a non-profit to help thousands of others called The Foreclosure Angel Foundation. What are the myriad ways you have "Dared to Care," and how you intend to fulfill the United We Serve challenge? I'd love to hear your comments. ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Kari writes for Intent.com, a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.
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*** Book Review: Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries - By Guy Winch, Ph.D. ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Although we have bandages for cuts, chicken soup for colds, and ice packs for bruises, most of us have no idea how to treat day-to-day emotional injuries such as failure, rejection, and loss. But, as Guy Winch, Ph.D., points out, these kinds of emotional injuries often get worse when left untreated and can significantly impact our quality of life. In this fascinating and highly practical book he provides the emotional first aid treatments we have been lacking.
Explaining the long-term fallout that can result from seemingly minor emotional and psychological injuries, Dr. Winch offers concrete, easy-to-use exercises backed up by hard cutting-edge science to aid in recovery. He uses relatable anecdotes about real patients he has treated over the years and often gives us a much needed dose of humor as well.
Prescriptive, programmatic, and unique, this first-aid kit for battered emotions will appeal to readers of Unstuck by James S. Gordon and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
*****
The list price of this book is $25.95. To purchase it from Amazon.com at a price of $20.45, a 21% discount, go here.
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*** Inspirational News Story of the Week ***
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* Wife Donates Kidney to Save Husband, Ends Up Saving Dad Instead *
Julie Stitt said she doesn't feel like a hero. Giving up a kidney to help save the two most important men in her life, she said, was one of the easiest decisions she ever made. Go here for the complete news story. | 
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