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* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue #790, Week of October 28-29, 2013
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Resource of the Week
-- Article: 6 Signs Your Partner is Love Avoidant - By Jim Hall
-- Article: Getting Intuition in an Instant - By Arupa Tesolin
-- Book Review: Unstuff Your Life: Kick the Clutter Habit and Completely Organize Your Life for Good - By Andrew J. Mellen
-- Inspirational News Story of the Week
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Success is more a function of consistent common sense than it is of genius. - An Wang, 1920-1990 The chances are that you have already come to believe that happiness is unattainable. But men have attained it. And they have attained it by realizing that happiness does not spring from the procuring of physical or mental pleasure, but from the development of reason and the adjustment of conduct to principles. - Arnold Bennett, 1867-1931 Not to dream boldly may turn out to be simply irresponsible. - George Leonard, 1923-2010
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*** Recommended Resource of the Week ***
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* Use The '2-Step Success Kit' To Earn Up to $12K/Mo. From Home *
Dreaming of Having More Time, More Money, escaping the rat race, paying off your bills, and living a life of freedom? There is an 'underground movement' of 'regular folks' who have discovered, tested and proven that the 2-Step system works to create upwards of $12K/Month Online. Our colleagues are So Sure it Works that they are making their 'Success Kit' Available to You for a Limited Time. Grab Your Trial Copy of the Work From Anywhere ‘Success Kit’ While Supplies Last. |  |
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*** Article: 6 Signs Your Partner is Love Avoidant - By Jim Hall ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Are you in a relationship with a Love Avoidant? The following are six common signs of a love avoidant; see if you recognize them in your relationship partner or a past relationship partner. 1. Evades Intimate and Emotional Connection
In romantic relationships evading intimacy and getting too close emotionally is the name of the game for a love avoidant. Emotional intimacy is a vital component of healthy relationships. Intimacy involves allowing oneself to 'be known'. Intimacy is about trust, vulnerability, sharing reality of self, communicating wants and needs, as well as expressing genuine feelings and emotions. When there is authentic love, intimacy is at the core of that love. Yet, intimacy and emotional closeness is the Love Avoidant's greatest fear. Because of early childhood experiences, they learned to associate intimacy with engulfment, suffocation, and being controlled. So the closer you try to get to your partner- their response is not to reciprocate, but to distance and run. They are emotionally like a turtle that repeatedly pulls into his/her rigid shell when one attempts to get too close and connect emotionally. You may get occasional glimpses of his/her real self, openness, or vulnerability -- only to see them retreat once again behind their walls. 2. Does a "Complete About Face" in the Relationship -- Becomes a Whole Different Person From Whom You First Met
As your relationship progresses, you notice a complete change in your partner's attitude. A "complete about face" occurs. Your partner is notably different from the person you first met. In the initial part of addictive relationships, the love avoidant exhibits an illusion of intimacy, caring, and connection. They form an immediate attachment idealizing their love addict partner. They come on strong and appear charming, strong, stimulating, caring, generous, and devoted. Then the relationship moves forward and soon enough the true colors of the love avoidant emerge. The seemingly once available "magical" person you fallen for becomes cold, devaluing, and disengaged. Invariably, you try to give more, do more, be more romantic, or try to make things as they were. There is a pursuit of keeping the fantasy alive in order to recreate the euphoria experienced in the beginning of the relationship. And the toxic dance is in order. 3. Uses Distancing Strategies to Avoid Closeness
You eventually feel a shift in your partner's attitude. You sense your partner is not really 'showing up' in the relationship. Instead of seeking intensity in the relationship, they seek intensity outside the relationship with the use of various behaviors and distractions (i.e., staying busy with activities, hobbies, internet, partying, etc.). Some will use the distancing strategy of "no commitment" and never fully commit to the relationship. They may say, "I love you, I care about you, I want to be with you, but I'm not quite ready for a relationship." They may use the distancing tactic of avoiding 'I love you', and make excuses for why they do so. They may avoid physical closeness. Or they might create drama in the relationship such as starting arguments, or constantly complain about you, people, the world, or grumbling about their personal problems they never seem to resolve. 4. Has an Addiction or Compulsive Problem
A love avoidant often have an addiction problem that significantly affects their relationship. Addiction is the ultimate cocktail to focus far-and-away from intimately connecting with a relationship partner. They can have any kind of addiction, and there are many (both substance and behavioral) - gambling; drugs; alcohol; internet/computer; exercise, gaming addictions, work, and the list goes on. Additionally, a love avoidant partner can become a love addict -- not in the relationship, but outside. More common than many people imagine, they can be in a committed relationship (or married), and become extremely addicted and obsessed with a person outside the relationship. 5. Is a Narcissist or Displays Narcissistic Traits
Love Avoidants are prone to narcissism. Not all are full-blown narcissists; nevertheless, a majority will almost certainly present some traits of narcissism. A Narcissist may show two faces -- the one they wear in public, and the one they wear in close interpersonal relationships, which is not a good one. On the outside in public, they can present a nice, pleasant exterior. People who are not close to them may view them as a fun, confident, charming, outgoing, social person. Only those close to the narcissist have any idea there is more to them than this one fictitious face. Behind their façade of tough-skin, strength, and charisma is a very fragile, wounded person who is thinks the world is all about him/her and feels above their relationship partner. One telling trait of narcissism is the sense of entitlement. They feel their needs and wants are all that matters; and their attitude is you should feel the same. They expect you to anticipate their every wish and if you do not -- look out! Other narcissistic traits:
-- Lacks empathy.
-- Has difficulty taking responsibility or admitting mistakes.
-- Grandiose: Is impracticable and idealistic in view of themselves.
-- Easily becomes defensive/feels threatened. 6. Is Resistant to Professional Help
The love avoidant is often very resistant to change and rather content with status quo as long as they feel in control of things. As a result, they will often refuse or resist help such as counseling, therapy, and treatment. To seek professional help through a therapist or counselor requires one to be vulnerable, open, honest, and accountable. In other words, it requires allowing oneself to be open to intimate connection, (remember, intimacy is their greatest fear). If they do come in for treatment (often by being pulled in by their partner), they do so with emotional walls. Their defenses will be up and will avoid and distract from areas of emotional discussions, or issues of responsibility. If you are a love addict and your partner is love avoidant, it is important to keep in mind--that his/her attitude and behaviors, and who they show themselves to be in the relationship is not about you, or what you did or say, or what you did not do or say. You may have been too clingy, or too needy, and you may have made mistakes and blunders along the way--- but these are not the reasons for why they are the way they are. Before you knew them, before a relationship started with you, he/she was the person they are with you. It is part of who they are and how they operate in relationships. If you want to have a happy, fulfilling, and healthy love relationship -- it will not happen with someone who is love avoidant (and by the way, it goes both ways). Sometimes this is a hard reality to face- although in the end, it is a reality that will set you free. Unless and only unless an avoidant partner is willing to look at themselves can healthy change occur -- BUT don't bet on that.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Jim Hall, M.S., is a Love Addiction Specialist, Author, Counselor, and Speaker on Love Addiction, Recovery and Relationships. As a pioneer in the field of love addiction, Jim specializes in treatment and recovery for people with Love Addiction. He is also the author of the following books on love addiction and how to recover- you can order and read these books immediately at http://www.LoveAddictionHelp.com • SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: The BREAK-UP WORKBOOK for Love Addicts
• The LOVE ADDICT in Love Addiction
• Gateway to Recovery: The Beginning Guide to Overcoming Love Addiction
• PLUS a - Soon to be released, Love Addiction Rehab Series Learn much more about Love Addiction, Tools, Relationship Tips, and Strategies for Recovering and Healing Love Addiction- at http://www.loveaddictionhelp.com/home
* Use The '2-Step Success Kit' To Earn Up to $12K/Mo. From Home *
Dreaming of Having More Time, More Money, escaping the rat race, paying off your bills, and living a life of freedom? There is an 'underground movement' of 'regular folks' who have discovered, tested and proven that the 2-Step system works to create upwards of $12K/Month Online. Our colleagues are So Sure it Works that they are making their 'Success Kit' Available to You for a Limited Time. Grab Your Trial Copy of the Work From Anywhere ‘Success Kit’ While Supplies Last. | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: Getting Intuition in an Instant - By Arupa Tesolin ***
------------------------------------------------------------ We tend to experience intuition in momentary flashes that arrive from time to time often in circumstances where we don't expect it. That's part of the allure of intuitive experience that it seems to lie beyond our beck and call. But it is possible to summon intuition in the moment when a response is needed. And because intuition contains information and "facts" beyond the thinking mind this could be highly desirable. The goal is insight. The key is preparation. Even management professor Harry Minzberg has said that if we were all intuitive geniuses our management strategies would be right on. Every entrepreneur knows that often the path to the next decision is paved with insight. For the rest of us, we know from experience that having insight in our pocket is far better than moving ahead without it and likely to save us a lot of energy, money, and heartache if we follow it. So how can we prepare? As a Speed Intuition expert I have a few things I can share about this. 1.) Get beyond the stress response.
Realize that if your mind is full and you are worried or anxious about anything, you're not going to be able to respond to the quieter signals your intuition is sending. So cultivate calmness and learn to de-stress yourself in the moment by instantly being able to calm down both mentally and physically. One of the easiest ways to do this is to start doing a body relaxation exercise at the end of every day. To do this you start with your feet and work your way up to the top of the head, consciously relaxing and feeling every part of your body losing the muscular tension of stress. After a couple weeks, once you have learned to "feel" what your body feels like without stress, you should be available to do a 5 second countdown and get there. 2.) Learn how to position yourself to listen to intuition.
Psychics and intuitives are able to call upon their skills on demand. That comes from having a certain amount of giftedness, but it also comes from experience and practice. Those who are good at it have learned to be able to turn it on at will and tune in to something on that level. The easiest way I recommend is to develop a Yes/No intuition response, so you can intuitively answer questions with a yes or no answer. It's simple but it's a really good way to start becoming sensitive to intuitive information. You can train your hands to feel if the answer is yes or no. Your hands might heat up or tingle or itch as the intuitive response. For example, you can set it for your Left hand to be associated with a "no" answer, right hand could be "yes", (or reverse if you're a leftie like me). First you need to calibrate your hands, so start by affirming things that are yes, like your name, age, where you live, and then give wrong answers so you can feel what no feels like. Or you can do the same thing with a visual response, like seeing a green light for yes and a red light for no. Once you have practiced enough so that you can perceive your response, then use this during the day for situations when you want to turn on your intuition. Ask the question and see what the response is. It takes practice to be good, and sometimes you will still get a neutral response, which means, there is no yes or no. 3.) Pay attention to the way intuition shows up for you.
Intuition is always on as it is your direct connection with the universe. You may experience it mostly visually, through sound, or just knowing. Pay attention to how it shows up, and what your personal recognition preferences are. The more you do this, the more likely you will be to recognize it. It's the same when you buy a new car and suddenly notice all the other cars like yours on the road. In essence you are "priming" yourself to be sensitive to your own intuitive recall. 4. Go deeper.
One of the biggest positive influences of intuition is having some kind of meditation practice that you enjoy. Going deeper is the best way to leverage your intuition talents because the point of greatest power and transformation is within. When we meditate we are literally paving new neural connections that better integrate us with the nature and unity of the universe. That is why we often experience deep insight and revelation between bouts of calmness and peace. Meditation doesn't need to be difficult. The easiest meditation I give my students is this one that I invented. Inhale and sense "I am breathing the universe." Exhale and sense "The Universe is breathing me." Do that for a few minutes and you will easily reach a point of inner calmness where you can just experience and be aware. If you wander, just gently go back to your breath. 5.) Recognize intuition as a skill that you can master and learn.
Then you'll be able to apply it in all areas of your life, career or in business. Like any skill, it needs to be practiced, developed and cultivated. You can't do this simply by reading about it. It must be done through experience. So set up some kind of practice regimen and stick with it. You'll see results. So, yes we can train ourselves to turn on intuition in an instant. It's a skill that, just like anything else, takes a bit of practice to master. ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Arupa Tesolin is an intuition and innovation expert, speaker and trainer, author of the on-line training program Speed Intuition http://speedintuition.com, the book Ting! A Surprising Way to Listen to Intuition & Do Business Better. She also heads the corporate training company Intuita http://intuita.com.
* Use The '2-Step Success Kit' To Earn Up to $12K/Mo. From Home *
Dreaming of Having More Time, More Money, escaping the rat race, paying off your bills, and living a life of freedom? There is an 'underground movement' of 'regular folks' who have discovered, tested and proven that the 2-Step system works to create upwards of $12K/Month Online. Our colleagues are So Sure it Works that they are making their 'Success Kit' Available to You for a Limited Time. Grab Your Trial Copy of the Work From Anywhere ‘Success Kit’ While Supplies Last. | | ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Book Review: Unstuff Your Life: Kick the Clutter Habit and Completely Organize Your Life for Good - By Andrew J. Mellen ***
------------------------------------------------------------ A professional organizer and life coach shows readers how to kick the clutter habit with his complete how-to guide to total organization. Arguably the most organized man in America, sought-after coach Andrew J. Mellen has created unique, lasting techniques for streamlined living, bringing order out of chaos for the chronically overwhelmed everywhere. Acknowledging that it's often the "stuff behind the stuff" that holds people back, Mellen offers a surprisingly simple, yet effective solution in his step-by-step guide, guaranteed to help achieve organizational bliss for everyone from perpetual key-misplacers to hard-core hoarders. From basement to bedroom, kitchen to car, and into every corner of life, Mellen's system yields lasting results. Discover how to: - Never lose your keys or wallet again
- Stop mail, magazine, and paper pileups for good
- Feel empowered to tackle bills and budgets
- Reclaim space and time once dominated by clutter
Built on the principle that we must distinguish ourselves from our possessions, Unstuff Your Life! starts with truly achievable goals and works toward the nightmare projects everyone tries hard to avoid. With humor, honesty, tough love, and foolproof advice, Mellen makes it easy to finally let go and embrace the decluttered life.
*****
The list price of this book is $17.00. To purchase it from Amazon.com at a price of $12.39, a 27% discount, go here.
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*** Inspirational News Story of the Week ***
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* Heartwarming Photo of Wife Carrying Double-Amputee Marine Husband Goes Viral *
At first glance, Jesse and Kelly Cottle, of San Diego, Calif., look like any cute couple in love. But take a closer look at this photo of Kelly giving husband Jesse, a marine and double-amputee, a piggyback ride, and it's clear to see why the picture has gone wildly viral. Go here for the complete news story. | 
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